Change and healing only happen when you can come to a sincere and heartfelt appreciation of all of your life experiences, even the unpleasant and painful ones, and see how they have led you to being who you are today. To move beyond this will need work. You have to set those life visions and goals and then work on the inner you.
For starters, write a letter to your younger self. It is really cathartic and can heal an inner part of you that you carry around with you every day. You can share the wisdom you have today and allow your inner self to know that even the struggles were not in vain and that you were never alone.
Choose a younger you at a time that was difficult. Be clear about how old the younger you that you are writing to is. Be real and authentic and drill down to a few really specific lessons or topics that you wish your younger you had known or felt at a heart level at that time. This isn’t a shopping list or a way to put pressure on that former you. Be kind, imagine that younger you as you would a dearly loved younger member of your family. Imagine that you are gently holding your younger self by the shoulder as you speak to them. Use ‘you’ and the present tense.
Here is a letter to my 25-year-old self that is in my book ‘Reset!’ written nearly three years ago.
At age 25, I was working in Dewsbury at a company I didn’t like, living alone during the week in a bedsit in Headingly Leeds, with no phone and ticking off the days until I returned to my shared house in London. Increasingly I found that when I got back to London my friends would have gone away for a fun weekend. The sense of failure and isolation was so great that I felt lonely pretty much all the time. It was a very difficult nine months of my life.
Dear Ros,
I want you to take five minutes, sit down, breathe deeply and remember that you are a wonderful, heartfelt young woman.
What seems like a fork in the road now will lead to greater opportunities. You have courage in spadefuls and do twice what most people do in half the time but remember you are a human being and be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for your choices or feel life is hard and unfair. Do not allow yourself at this time to feel depressed or that life isn’t worth living. It is. I promise.
You are very sensitive and vulnerable but wear such an effective mask that others often see you as impenetrable and totally in control. They even try to pull you down because of it. Know now that daring to show your vulnerability and to be open to others, to stop judging yourself and others by impossible levels of perfectionism, will be the greatest and kindest gift you can ever give yourself.
Know that you are more than enough and that your intellect and emotional intelligence will take you further than you can ever imagine so you don’t need to worry about striving for success. The less you try, the more successful you will be. When you trust your inner intuition and tap into your inner power you will not just make the right choices but intuitively take the right action at the right time.
Do not let those who are afraid of your light try to dim it. You are a maverick. You see things differently and do things differently and that, coupled with your great sense of compassion, will make the world a better place.
You are curious, so remember that questions are the answer. Do not be afraid to ask questions, seek a better path, do not be a lemming and follow the herd to fit in, even if this makes others uncomfortable. Yours is a path to change the world and this will not always be comfortable to you or others. Treat their fear with grace and understanding.
Smile. People will always love you for it.
Find out what makes you happy and pursue it every day. Feel at ease with this as all that you need is already within you. Enjoy the journey. Even the bumpy roads will give you a new level of wisdom. Know that you do have a spiritual gift and will experience events, insights and visions that others will try to rubbish. Don’t let them. Trust yourself.
Learn to let go.
Know your worth. This is true for finding your future life partner, work, friends and all other connections. For many years you will be the power behind the throne. Notice now that much of the fame and fortune of those around you has been in part created by you. If you want to enjoy that or step into the limelight too then do not feel restricted or not good enough. Do for yourself what you do for others.
Pay close attention to your health and finances. Know that to be wealthy you need a balance of faith, fitness, friends, family, finance and forgiveness and be mindful to keep that balance always. Learn to meditate and be present.
It is not your job to make everyone around you happy, or kind or fulfilled. That is their journey. You are not a cash cow for others. Earning money and providing for your future family is not your sole responsibility. Do not sacrifice your health or happiness for success.
Trust that you know what is right for you. Create great and healthy and nurturing habits.
Understand that you studied for an English Literature degree because you feel things deeply, enjoy time alone and have a connection to all that is real and true in this world. Write your own books and share your wisdom sooner rather than later. It will just flow from you as you tap into something even beyond your present understanding. You are meant to be this messenger and change agent but you are not supposed to compromise your own happiness or health for it.
Only connect. Understand that people who need people really are the happiest people of all. We are all in this together.
There is so much more I could share but you know that you will be more than OK, more than enough. You will shine and grow and love and be loved and your life will enrich others. Feel that and love it.
Oh yes and have intimacy with yourself. It means Into Me See.
I see into you and I’m so excited by it, moved by it, in love with it. Yaba daba doo!
Love always,
Rosalyn xx
This exercise is often seen in magazines and newspaper weekend supplements when a celebrity is asked to complete something such as: ‘If I knew then what I know now, I would have done…..’.
It is rather like those moments in Back to the Future.
For example, the time my office was near the startup company Innocent Smoothies. They would put jugs of their tester smoothies in the basement restaurant in my office building in the mid-90s and I loved them immediately, but I didn’t respond to their request for seed capital investment. Or when I was persuaded to sell our eight-bedroom house in central London in 2001 due to an impending property ‘downturn’. Where is the DeLorean? Driver please!”
Excerpt From: Rosalyn Palmer. “Reset! A Blueprint for a Better Life”. Click here to purchase.