“True love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have.
And if you go to draw at the true fountainhead, the more water you draw, the more abundant is its flow.”
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
The depth of emotion I felt when watching the Royal Wedding of Harry and Megan took me by surprise. I found myself crying. At first, tears of joy and then something deeper and sadder. As I advocate working out what you are feeling rather than ignoring it I sat with it and realised I was mourning my two marriages. They ended in divorce. I don’t say failure as I have learned so much from them.
I also learned from some of the world’s leading relationship experts that the route to an amazing relationship is to become the person you want to attract. By matching their values, standards of behavior and character.
If you want to attract someone driven, solvent, fit, adventurous, open and passionate, guess what? Chances are they will want the same in you.
This is clearly true of Harry and Megan. In her, he sees a woman who can navigate the unusual world he lives in. A woman who is kind, fun, supportive and brave. We know that if he has chosen her from all the millions of women who would gladly marry him, that she has to have something special about beyond her looks and smile.
If you want a potential or existing partner to love what they see in you, then you need to look inside yourself and work out if you love what you see. To have intimacy you need to Into Me See.
If you are filled with self-loathing then hiding it with any of the masks we wear; makeup; fine clothes; accessories; cosmetic procedures etc., may work for a while. Like a sticking plaster. They may even hold up long enough to get someone interested in you, but after five minutes, you are on your own.
Determine what you want from a love relationship. Make a list of what your ideal mate would be like and look like. What are their values? What do you want? What works for you? Connection? Respect?
It is also important to work out what are your relationship ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’. If you have a rule such as ‘they must be entirely faithful to me’ and their rule on being faithful is a ‘should’, then trouble may be ahead and the relationship can deteriorate into a nasty tit for tat battleground. Or worse, into apathy.
The opposite of love is not hate. Both are powerful and passionate, think of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton who were trapped in a ‘can’t live with you or without you’ loop. The opposite of love is indifference. That is when trouble sets in.
So don’t live your life by becoming indifferent to your partner or to your desire to find the right partner. Live an amazing life where you plan for joy, love, and connection.
Also, if that special person has not been attracted into your life yet or your relationship has hit some speed bumps in the road of life it doesn’t mean you should give up on love.
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex didn’t.